 | So, there we are. In the Self-Help book category on Amazon there's a great little tome called How to be an Asshole. Yes, go on, then...get the jokes out of the way now. I can hear you all saying I don't need any help in being an asshole; I'm managing quite well on my own. But all is not quite what it seems. To cast some light on the matter I had a chat with the author, Carl Mills. |
Stewart Bint: What inspired you to write How to be an Asshole?
Carl Mills: Cashiering at the Loaf ‘N Jug in Golden, Colorado. I’ve worked before, but the dehumanization I experienced there by putting on a uniform was simply beyond anything I’d felt elsewhere. Most people there treat you like garbage when you’re behind the counter, as if you’re not a real human anymore, but just another one of the displays that happens to walk, talk, and take money their money.
I actually had a customer say snidely, “Well, if you wanted a job where you didn’t take out trash, you should’ve finished college.” This was unprovoked, as we weren’t even conversing before he said that, but we also didn’t stop there either. I walked right up to him and said, “I did finish college. Maybe you don’t know everything, huh doc?” Assholes are not a rare occurrence, they’re the majority, especially in a rich town like Golden where almost everybody lives on a hill and thinks they’re extra-special. I had two choices: Go on a kill-crazy rampage for the good of society, or find a more constructive outlet. This was that outlet.
I chose the format I did because I’ve read a manners book or two growing up, and they’re either absolutely hilarious, or god-awful holier-than-thou gobshite. To me, it’s all about making them laugh. If it’s funny, they’re too busy laughing to be bored, and maybe they’ll learn something too while they’re laughing. It worked wonderfully for South Park.
Since I knew that HTBAA couldn’t possibly cover every base of human imagination, I wanted to throw in a catch-all, and that’s where the ending came from. The last two pages are reserved for the Reader themselves to write whatever it is that bothers them personally in their own lives. If they gift a version with a completed ending, the book becomes the world’s longest greeting card that says, “I notice you, and I hope you laugh, but also, cut this specific crap out! It’s beyond annoying, so much so that you’re in a book now!”
Finally, I picked the title because of an episode from Leverage. One of the characters says, “What part of, “Wrote the book,” did you not comprehend?” I can now say I literally wrote the book on how to be an asshole for the rest of my life, followed by that hilarious line. Not exactly a rich-man’s goal, but it is perfect for a lunatic author. Nobody else for the rest of history is allowed to say that with the same gravitas, and that just makes me laugh.
I actually had a customer say snidely, “Well, if you wanted a job where you didn’t take out trash, you should’ve finished college.” This was unprovoked, as we weren’t even conversing before he said that, but we also didn’t stop there either. I walked right up to him and said, “I did finish college. Maybe you don’t know everything, huh doc?” Assholes are not a rare occurrence, they’re the majority, especially in a rich town like Golden where almost everybody lives on a hill and thinks they’re extra-special. I had two choices: Go on a kill-crazy rampage for the good of society, or find a more constructive outlet. This was that outlet.
I chose the format I did because I’ve read a manners book or two growing up, and they’re either absolutely hilarious, or god-awful holier-than-thou gobshite. To me, it’s all about making them laugh. If it’s funny, they’re too busy laughing to be bored, and maybe they’ll learn something too while they’re laughing. It worked wonderfully for South Park.
Since I knew that HTBAA couldn’t possibly cover every base of human imagination, I wanted to throw in a catch-all, and that’s where the ending came from. The last two pages are reserved for the Reader themselves to write whatever it is that bothers them personally in their own lives. If they gift a version with a completed ending, the book becomes the world’s longest greeting card that says, “I notice you, and I hope you laugh, but also, cut this specific crap out! It’s beyond annoying, so much so that you’re in a book now!”
Finally, I picked the title because of an episode from Leverage. One of the characters says, “What part of, “Wrote the book,” did you not comprehend?” I can now say I literally wrote the book on how to be an asshole for the rest of my life, followed by that hilarious line. Not exactly a rich-man’s goal, but it is perfect for a lunatic author. Nobody else for the rest of history is allowed to say that with the same gravitas, and that just makes me laugh.
SB: What's it about?
CM: Simply, it’s a satirical manners book. The longer version is that it’s cobbled together from the experiences I’ve had to endure, or watched others have to endure, shown through a prism of hilarity. I tried to make it funny so people would actually read it, as well as it being incredibly fun/cathartic to write that way.
The larger goal: That humanity learns from the laughs enough to improve itself before the workers riot. I can only imagine how many service industry employees would murder their customers if given the chance.
It took about three years to write and put together. It started out more as just a joke piece for me to relieve the pressure built up after work, but then it started being genuinely funny. I moved onto other areas like the Smoking Circle section, and figured there are things that everybody should know, but nobody is actually out there distributing pamphlets. That just evolved into whatever else I could think that might make us nicer, or at the very least, more bearable, as a people.
I’m always considering sequel ideas, just because they make me laugh. From a simply expanded version, to an international version where each chapter is different host-countries with guest-writers, to even a Presidential edition “honoring” the Commander in Chief. It just depends if I can find an idea that sticks, and is practical. The Trump edition would probably outweigh a dictionary, and I frankly have no idea what I would have to charge for that.
The larger goal: That humanity learns from the laughs enough to improve itself before the workers riot. I can only imagine how many service industry employees would murder their customers if given the chance.
It took about three years to write and put together. It started out more as just a joke piece for me to relieve the pressure built up after work, but then it started being genuinely funny. I moved onto other areas like the Smoking Circle section, and figured there are things that everybody should know, but nobody is actually out there distributing pamphlets. That just evolved into whatever else I could think that might make us nicer, or at the very least, more bearable, as a people.
I’m always considering sequel ideas, just because they make me laugh. From a simply expanded version, to an international version where each chapter is different host-countries with guest-writers, to even a Presidential edition “honoring” the Commander in Chief. It just depends if I can find an idea that sticks, and is practical. The Trump edition would probably outweigh a dictionary, and I frankly have no idea what I would have to charge for that.
SB: What will people gain from reading your book?
CM: That’s really up to them. They could just get a laugh, learn how to be a better human being, or use the book as a gift that informs their friend in a safe (out-of-swinging range) manner of a particular habit they don’t particularly enjoy with their custom ending.
I guess it’s the philosophical equivalent of having a comic give you a decency lesson. I suppose you could even use the book like an Anarchist Cookbook, and improve your skills at being a blight upon the species without learning a thing.
I guess it’s the philosophical equivalent of having a comic give you a decency lesson. I suppose you could even use the book like an Anarchist Cookbook, and improve your skills at being a blight upon the species without learning a thing.
SB: Tell me a little bit about yourself.
CM: I’m 29 years old, and have a Bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Texas State. When I’m not writing, I’m hanging out with my cat Odin, reading, tweeting, or playing videogames. I have published a few other books, but HTBAA has been my favorite so far, both to write, and in terms of content.
SB: Where can people buy your book?
CM: It's available on Amazon, at: https://www.amazon.com/How-be-Asshole-Carl-Mills/dp/1546343172/
RSS Feed
