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You May Not Change The World On Your Own, But You Can Make A Change In The World

8/13/2018

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By my guest blogger, Charlotte Underwood

I am a 22-year-old Mental Health Advocate from Norfolk, UK.

I'm passionate about raising awareness of mental health and doing what I can to prevent suicide.

I try to be a friend to all so no-one feels alone. I do this through Twitter (@CUnderwoodUK), and through my blog:
https://charlotteunderwoodauthor.com/

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What is it like to live on the other side? Where you can say in utter confidence that you have strong mental health.

What is it like to live a life so blissful? Where life is so much greener because the universe has been kind to you; when you got the winning straw.

I ask myself all of this a lot, I would say that I envy the people who are not like me. Those who’s sadness will go after eating ice cream, who can go for a run or manage a healthy diet. You know the life I mean, just something so much less, complicated.

This Is just not the reality for so many thousands of people around the world, billions even, and I am one of them.

I get called abnormal often, because to many people, my mental illness and numerous other lifechanging events, has rendered me against the norm. For me though, mental illness has been my norm from day one, all the things I have learned, that have created the person I am today, that is all that I know – so really, I am normal. Isn’t normal just an opinion otherwise?

My life has been so dramatic and unlucky that it is almost comical. In a way that I sometimes feel like I am on some version of the Trueman show. I spent a lot of my teen years using my pent-up angst to fight myself really, to find ways to numb that pain and fight to fit it – to be like everyone else, as that is what I was told would make me happy. 

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As a child, I swore that when I was an adult, I would have no reason to be unhappy, since all the adults I knew seemingly had it all together.

I thought my feelings would fade with age, as I was told my, now diagnosed as anxiety and depression, was just a phase. I however recently came to the realization that adults don’t have it together, they are struggling just the same as they did those many years before; they are just better at hiding it.
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I’ve come to accept that I am so deep-rooted in my ways that I may never be able to completely move past my mental illness, though, it doesn’t mean that I can’t work with it. I have done so much soul searching, and I think I am really starting to accept that my past is in my past and I can learn to accept it and not let it define me, because it doesn’t.

I write all of this because it’s important to gauge just how human and ill-functioning I am. I want to put myself on the show, just so you can see how much your life can change, for better and worse. But at the end of the day, all that matters are you, your mental health and the memories which will allow you to greet death as an old friend; life doesn’t have to be one big game of life, it can just be an experience – a chance.

I’ve gone from a young girl with very little understanding of myself to a grown woman who has found more than just survival, I’ve found purpose, passion, and life. I can remember days where I would self-harm because I knew no other way to let the pain out. I remember a whole year where I drank daily, I was an alcoholic at 14 years old because I was so ashamed of the thoughts in my head. I remember suicide attempts, crying into my pillow or locking myself in toilets because I was so alone; I just needed someone to be there for me, to listen.

My life has been tragic in some ways but that has all passed, what matters now is the moments I am living in currently and the future I will soon find; my goal is to help others get to this point of thinking too.

I don’t envy those who are living a seemingly ‘healthier’ or ‘better’ life than me because really, every second that has existed in my own life, has crafted me into this person I am now. The person who has many scars that have healed beautifully, both physically and mentally. The person who has more strength, empathy, and understanding. The person who has found self-respect for herself but has also given time to help others. You see, happiness is not a state, it’s a feeling and therefore we cannot be permanently happy; we need to do more of what makes us happy and what rewards our own mind; for me, that’s helping others.

In 2014, my father passed away by suicide. It was for certain, the most traumatic event of my life, which led to three years where I was living in this state of complete shock. I stopped feeling, I stopped living and really, I felt like I had died with my father. All I wanted was to see him again, hear his voice and give him a hug like I had done pretty much every day for the last 18 years. It was all so sudden and like many suicide, survivors may understand, left me not knowing what to do with myself, or my life.

But after four years of my new life without my father. I came to this realization that I did not need to move on, why would I want to ‘move on’ from every memory, or even the existence that my father had blessed me with. Instead, I embraced the days where I would cry and miss him, I accepted that he was not coming back but instead of moving on from his death, I learned to adjust.

I was told that same year, after a conversation about the huge lack of support for people left behind after a suicide, that rather than sit and hope something changes, I could do something about it. I think many of us do complain about things in the world but very few of us actually stand up and make a difference, though, we have no guarantee that someone else will fix the problem for us. The simple phrase of “You may not change the world on your own, but you can make a change in the world” really made me think.
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From there, I made the choice to write a book about the events around my father’s suicide and my journey of grief.

I named the book ‘After Suicide’ (available, FREE, here, from Smashwords) with the hope that I could provide a sense of friendship for people going through what I did, that people could feel less alone in such a difficult time; as I had felt this myself.

This book is not of literary commendation but it’s real, it’s raw and it’s relatable. There was a day that I received a message about my book in which I was told that because of me, they were still alive to be a husband and father; it was not what I expected the book to do but it made every word written worth it – one life saved is more reward than I could ever have imagined. 

I did find though that I had fallen into mental health advocacy, mainly on my twitter @CUnderwoodUK, I never intended to be a voice for people with mental illness, like myself but it just happened and now I dedicate every moment of every day to trying to be there for others and fight back against the stigma. 

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I’ve made friends through this, I’ve built a little community and although I am helping others, I have noticed how much this has helped me – I don’t feel alone anymore and I do not feel worthless, I feel part of something great; regardless of the fact that I created it, as I only see myself as part of a family now.

I actually found that writing was a great way to help me manage my past and my own mental health. There is something so therapeutic in being able to extract some of those thoughts from your mind and see them face to face, looking at them on paper or on a screen, they just don’t seem so scary; they even make sense. I now write blog posts weekly on my blog charlotteunderwoodauthor.com.

Each blog is a battle of mine, part of the puzzle of my own brain and just the stories that have created the person that I am. I like to talk about the things that are taboo, that people don’t like to hear because more than often, these are the things that most need to be spoken about as many are suffering alone with very similar battles. 
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I managed to take the unfortunate events of my life and even my own fathers suicide and try to find some sort of positive from it. Although it does not take from the pain of the events, it makes it easier when there is a lesson, when it can do good and help people. In a way, learning to cope in this way has helped me accept my past. I’d like to think the best tribute to my father is through saving lives, as he saved many in his own lifetime and I hope that when I reach my own end, that my efforts would have made even a tiny change in the world; even if it was for just one person. 
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Life is not easy and sometimes life is not fair. We cannot control or change everything that occurs in our own lives, but we can choose how to manage our own decisions. For me, the best thing you can do is just be there for others, when we are not alone the world is not as scary; and neither are our thoughts.​
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Tracing The Path To The Next Big Thing

8/11/2018

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Did you know that tracing intricate lines and patterns can be therapeutic, increase relaxation, improve focus, enhance dexterity, help memory, and create self worth and accomplishment?

No, neither did I until I came across The Tracing Co, on Twitter.

My guest blogger is 29-year-old Jason Lewis, from San Antonio in Texas, who founded activity book brand The Tracing Co. His primary job is in education, where he's a high school economics teacher, and football and soccer coach. 

​Over to Jason:
My story behind the creation of these activity books is as unique as the books themselves.  Naturally entrepreneurial, I was studying outdated products that had a broad market with a current, growing interest.  Many friends and family members of mine were into adult coloring books.  Not only was coloring like reliving childhood memories and tapping into the adults’ reminiscent minds, but it was also therapeutic and relaxing. 

​Instead of attempting to compete with the thousands of authors that had already created numerous editions of every type of coloring book possible, I decided to create something that would offer a different product to the same market of consumers.
 
Arts and crafts were not my thing.  As the son of two teachers and coaches, I grew up in a gym, learning the art of basketball and soccer.  Most craft activities required too many materials and were too messy.  The simplest art that we all do is draw. 

However, I have a hard enough time drawing a stick figure.  I always admired how artists could draw such neat, detailed images.  It was something that intrigued me so much that I decided to make an activity book that would allow someone like me to draw a picture that only the best artists can create.  Fast forward one year and I have now drawn numerous pictures like the one you see below.
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Our activity books are different than any other book on the market, utilizing a step-by-step tracing technique that creates an elaborate finished piece of artwork.  Our books are similar to adult coloring books, but instead of coloring an image, multiple layers and groups of intricate lines and patterns are traced to build a collaborative and detailed design. 

The way it works is simple.  The book will give multiple pages of grouped lines and patterns.  Place the same piece of tracing paper over each page and trace the lines.  When all of the lines from each group are traced, the result is a beautiful, professional quality image.
 
After completing my first design and marveling at what I, the one that struggled to draw a stick figure, had drawn, I realized that my books had more to offer than a simple addicting hobby.  After focusing on the many meandering lines and shapes, I felt a soft sense of relaxation and a strong feeling of accomplishment.  

When I thought back to my process of pen moving against paper, I could recall the order of various patterns.  The accuracy of the last set of lines was much improved from the first set I attempted.  It was at this point that I knew I had created a tool that could help people improve their mental health.  I had created the next big thing, combining arts and crafts with mental therapy.
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I experimented on family members and friends first, and after hearing that they experienced similar effects, I opened the books to the public for sale.  Many customers have since reviewed the books and have confirmed the benefits that we believe exist from the step-by-step elaborate tracing process that our activity books offer.  Some with mental health issues like depression and anxiety even say that they use it as a tool to clear their mind and rid stress.  While we do not guarantee that performing the instructions in our book will cure mental illness, we do believe that they can help everyone in some way.
 
We know and are excited that we have only scratched the surface on the significant benefits that our activity books can offer.  The more feedback we receive, the better that we can improve our books and the more validation that other potential customers, who could use these, get.  We invite you to search for us on Amazon. 

​We have published three books:  “Bloom” consists of floral mandalas, “Wild Life” consists of zentangle-style animals, and “Believe” is a Christmas-themed tracing book.  If we are lucky enough to call you a customer, please let us know what you think.  We welcome all feedback, as we are always looking to improve our product.

* The three books are available on Amazon, here.

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A Year Of GB Syndrome. The Recovery

8/1/2018

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Before you read this post from my guest blogger, Harish Rajora, you may like to read his original post here, from April: 
https://stewartbintauthor.weebly.com/stewart-bints-blog/the-nightmare-of-my-life

His latest article was written on July 18th, which marks one year of having GB Syndrome, and tells what happened after he was discharged from hospital.

You can also read the entire ten-part story on his own blog here:
​www.themeaninglesslife.com/

Over now to how Harish Rajora fared after coming home from hospital.
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As I mentioned earlier, I was seeing double from the first day, until now. My eyes did not improve even a little for many days. Everything I used to see was double. Two doors, two mobile phones, two coffee cups; everything. The doctor said my pupils were not moving synchronously as they should be, and hence, I was seeing two images of everything.

The images are seen separately by both eyes, but our brain combines it as one. While in my case it was still two images. But he said I would be fine with time.

With time.

This is a very vague sentence. There is no specific maximum limit, nor is there  any medicine. But he said I would see normally with time. Hence, I waited for "the time."

Two days after I came home after being discharged, I picked up my father's phone, opened Chrome browser and typed GB Syndrome patients case studies. I wanted to know how much time. How everyone else managed, and how much time they took. I needed to know. I needed to be prepared, at least. I read three case studies, among which the fastest anyone recovered was one year and three months. My eyes were dripping tears continuously, like a leaking tap, due to mobile radiation, but the recovery time I saw made me very upset. One year is a very long time. How will I manage? Although I had all the people one needs to be motivated, it was still something that could not be ignored. To show you how I was seeing during those days, I've attached the following picture.

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Everything was double. I was seeing two televisions, and focused on only one, because otherwise it was really confusing. One month passed like this...it was 35 days since I came home and almost 50 days that I was seeing double. Then, one day, I was able to see better. 

The next day it was better than that, and five days later I could see normally. I was seeing everything like I should, like everyone does. I was so happy. Finally everything was on track. I have gained muscle strength and can see better, too. On 15th September 2017 I told my doctor that I am fine now and can see very well. He was happy, too. But as the time passed and I was about to forget how I'd been seeing for two months, my eyes sudden;ly reminded me of it.

On 28th September I woke up and saw the door of my room as double. The difference was not much, but yet it was double. The next day it was more. Five days later I was at the same stage that I'd started at around two and a half months before.

I called my doctor and said I was seeing double again, to which he asked me to visit him the next day. I met him the next day. He was confuse. He has never sen such a case in which something during the recovery has reversed. I was speechless. 

He referred me to the ophthalmologist. After three or four tests I met the doctor. She said: "I think one eye has gained strength more than the other which is causing this trouble. Earlier they were both weak, so you were seeing normal." She gave me artificial teardrops and said: "I think it will be fine with time." Again, with time.

My college was over and my health was not good enough to apply for a job. I was seeing normal with one eye closed but not with both of them open. I decided to appear for GATE examination. I filled out the form during October. I remember my tears dropping continuously while filling the form, due to laptop radiation. But it was necessary for me. In the next days I started studying with one eye closed, but it was disturbing like hell. It is really not easy to study or focus with one eye closed; you can try reading this post like that, to understand. 

I ordered an eye patch to place on one of the lenses of my specs. That eased my trouble. I started studying with the patch while tears dropping from one eye always. I continuously used to change the patch to the other eye to gain strength in both.

In a few days the two images I saw of the television was of different shades of colour now. One image was light and one was dark. How can I see one image dark and one light? How can they be merged then by my brain? I googled it, and it was a big mistake. From the first result till the last, every article, every post and every case hinted to cataract. These things happen to the people who have cataract. It is always a big mistake googling anything like this. Since then I have not googled anything about any symptoms of any disease.
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In mid November 2017, after four months of double vision, four months of abnormally watching this beautiful world, four months of living like someone who can see but still can't appreciate anything, my eyes were seeing fine.

Finally I could see like you all do. It was a journey of pain, patience and perseverance. How all these qualities have developed in my, only I know. You cannot know the pain of seeing abnormally for a week until forced to, like I was.  I was restless. I was patient. Two months later I appeared for my exam with my trapezius muscle still week. I was, and am, proud that I cleared my exam after all those difficulties. I did everything on my own. Studying with one eye closed. Till the final counter of exam I was struggling. I finally won. Adversities make you stronger.

Although no-one in the exam hall knew, there was a boy sitting with them who was lying on a bed just six months ago. Who filled the application form with one eye closed.  I finally completed my walk to this road of recovery.

Today is 18th July. It marks one year of GB Syndrome. I am proud to say that I recovered in five months. While others started walking in 6-7 months. I was running in six months. It was a tough road. It was a rough road. I have learned to fight. I have learned to rise. Everybody falls at one time or another, but you lose the battle when you refuse to rise again.

Believe me, no-one will, and can, understand the pain you are suffering through, but as a matter of fact no-one will be as strong as you will be afterwards. Today is 18th July. It marks the start of a fight I won. Thank you for being with me throughout this journey that I narrated. Thank you for staying and listening to me. If you could connect to me throughout the series, there is nothing better than that.

If I could connect and inspire even one person, the purpose of writing my story is served.

Today is 18th July. Today, I rest my case.   

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Thank you.
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    Stewart Bint supports mental health charity Lamp Advocacy.

    Click here to donate
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    Author

    Stewart Bint is a novelist, magazine columnist and PR writer. 

    He lives with his wife, Sue, in Leicestershire in the UK, and has two children, Christopher and Charlotte, and a budgie called Sparky.

    Usually goes barefoot.

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